Thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support! We are thrilled to be home with Lucca. He has learned to crawl and is exploring the ground level world. We find the life altering change Lucca is going through inconceivable. He may not consciously remember the events of the last month, yet is experiencing immense loss including feelings of trauma and grief. He is struggling with feeling safe and secure and developing his trust in us.We need your support now more than ever to promote our attachment with Lucca. We as parents are currently disposable to him. He has no healthy stranger anxiety and seems to be looking for his next Mommy to come take him away. Until he has learned that we are his parents, we will need to be his primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold him, feed him, and do all of the nurturing. It may appear that we are spoiling him, but have been advised that we need to meet every need quickly and consistently. We are unsure of how long this will take.
You can support our attachment work by doing the following:
- Do Not pick up, carry, or hold Lucca
- Do Not: nurture him, baby talk, cooo-chee-cooo, or engage him in games like peek-a-boo(hard not to do, he is so darn cute!)
- Do not try to establish a special personal relationship with Lucca
- Disrupt long periods of direct eye contact or gazes with him
- Redirect Lucca back to his Mom and Dad if he is overly friendly, waving at you, smiling for long periods, reaching out to you, trying to be cute and entertaining. This is likely to occur with other women. You can say, “Where is your Mommy? Oh. There she is”…
We have waited excitedly for the arrival of Lucca but he has not been waiting for us. We trust that you as our family and friends will help us to do what is best for our son. We thank you for your support and understanding and apologize if we have offended anyone. We can’t wait to achieve attachment so Lucca can establish loving relationships with all of you who make our lives so rich! Please let us know if you have questions or would like additional information regarding our attachment work.
Happy New Year!
5 comments:
Or just kick him across the floor....
We completely understand that the most important thing for Lucca at this time is his bond with you and Mark. We will be here to support you while he transistions and look forward to the time when we can hug and kiss him. Stay strong and know that everyone has their own opinions and you need to do what's best for YOUR child.
Finally had a moment to look at your blog. Thanks so much for sending the link! What a wonderful Christmas present you received after what looks like a long, long journey. Sounds like the journey continues with the attachment part. You three are in our prayers that this phase passes quickly and that you receive the support you need during what must be a very trying and difficult time. After things are settled in more with Lucca we would love to get together with you all!
We so appreciated reading your comments about "Settling In" as our daughter, Jana, and her husband, Mike, are about to receive their blessed Baby Tae from Korea. We will be meeting him for the first time in a little over a week and your comments about what is helpful in supporting the attachment of the newly adopted child is extremely important to us as we prepare to support Jana and Mike in their new life with Tae. Thank you so much for shairng what you did.
Rod and Sharie Schofield
We so appreciated reading your comments about "Settling In" as our daughter, Jana, and her husband, Mike, are about to receive their blessed Baby Tae from Korea. We will be meeting him for the first time in a little over a week and your comments about what is helpful in supporting the attachment of the newly adopted child is extremely important to us as we prepare to support Jana and Mike in their new life with Tae. Thank you so much for shairng what you did.
Rod and Sharie Schofield
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